I Thought I’d Be Further Along by Now
Can I admit something that feels a little contradictory?
I’m incredibly proud of the woman I’ve become.
And…
I’m still not where I’d like to be.
For the longest time, I thought those two statements couldn’t exist together.
I thought if I admitted I wanted more out of life, it somehow meant I wasn’t grateful for everything I already had.
But I’ve realized something.
Being thankful for your life doesn’t mean you’ve stopped growing.
And growing doesn’t mean you’re unhappy.
It simply means you’re still becoming.
A few years ago, if someone had asked me where I’d be today, I probably wouldn’t have imagined this version of myself.
The woman who’s building a blog.
Traveling more.
Saying yes to new experiences.
Asking bigger questions.
Learning to choose herself without apologizing for it.
Trust me, this version didn’t happen overnight.
She showed up one uncomfortable decision at a time.
One small act of courage after another.
One “I’m scared, but I’m doing it anyway” moment after the next.
Looking back, I’ve grown by leaps and bounds.
Sometimes I forget that.
Actually…
I forget it more often than I’d like to admit.
Because isn’t that what we do?
We spend so much time looking at how far we still have to go that we completely overlook how far we’ve already come.
It’s a little like climbing a mountain.
You’re so focused on the summit that you forget to turn around and appreciate the view you’ve already earned.
And what a shame that is.
Because if the woman I was five years ago could see me now, she’d probably be pretty impressed.
Not because my life is perfect.
It’s definitely not.
Not because I’ve accomplished everything on my list.
That list seems to grow faster than I can check things off.
She’d be proud because I finally started believing I deserved a life that felt like mine.
She’d be amazed that I stopped waiting for permission.
She’d probably laugh at how many times I still overthink everything.
Some things never change.
But a lot of things have.
I’ve become braver.
Not fearless.
Just braver.
There’s a difference.
Fear still shows up.
It still whispers all the reasons I shouldn’t try something new.
It still tells me people will judge me.
That I’ll fail.
That I’m too old.
That I’m too late.
The difference is…
I don’t automatically believe it anymore.
Progress doesn’t mean fear disappears.
It means fear no longer gets the final vote.
That realization alone has changed my life.
But here’s the part I don’t think we talk about enough.
Growth is frustrating.
There.
I said it.
Instagram makes personal growth look like one beautiful breakthrough after another.
Reality?
It’s messy.
Nobody puts that on Instagram, do they? You don’t see a Reel that says, “Come watch me question every life decision I’ve made while stress-eating tortilla chips.
It’s exciting one day and discouraging the next.
Some days you feel unstoppable.
Other days you’re eating chips on the couch wondering if you’ve made any progress at all.
Some days you celebrate huge wins.
Other days you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s twenty years younger and wondering why you aren’t farther along.
Can we stop pretending that’s not part of the process?
Because it is.
At least it has been for me.
There are still dreams sitting in my heart.
Places I want to visit.
Things I want to build.
Skills I want to learn.
Conversations I want to have.
Versions of myself I haven’t met yet.
Sometimes I get impatient.
I wonder why I’m not there already.
Then I remember…
Five years ago, I was wishing for the life I’m living today.
Funny how we spend so much time chasing the next thing that we forget we already have things we once prayed for.
That’s why I’ve started asking myself a different question.
Instead of asking,
“Why am I not there yet?”
I ask,
“What would the old version of me think about the life I’m living now?”
The answer usually changes my perspective.
Because the old me would’ve been thrilled.
She would’ve been proud that I finally booked the trip.
Started the blog.
Stopped letting fear make every decision.
Learned that saying no doesn’t make me selfish.
Started choosing experiences over excuses.
Started choosing myself once in a while, too.
She wouldn’t see everything I haven’t accomplished.
She’d see how much courage it took just to get here.
Maybe we all need to borrow her perspective once in a while.
Because I have a feeling I’m not the only one who forgets to celebrate progress.
Maybe you’ve grown more than you realize.
Maybe you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Maybe you’ve survived things that once convinced you they would break you.
Maybe you’ve learned to set boundaries.
Maybe you’ve healed from heartbreak.
Maybe you’ve started speaking up for yourself.
Maybe you’ve discovered parts of yourself that had been buried under years of taking care of everyone else.
Those things matter.
They deserve celebrating.
Even if you haven’t reached your destination.
Especially if you haven’t reached it.
Because here’s something I’ve been learning.
Growth doesn’t have a finish line.
There isn’t some magical day where we wake up and think,
“Well… that’s it. I’ve officially become the best possible version of myself.”
Thank goodness.
How boring would that be?
I hope I’m still learning twenty years from now.
I hope I’m still curious.
Still trying new things.
Still making mistakes.
Still chasing dreams that scare me a little.
Because I think that’s what it means to truly live.
Not to arrive.
But to keep becoming.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
I still have days where I feel behind.
Days where I wonder if I started too late.
Days where I compare my Chapter 12 to someone else’s Chapter 30.
It’s human.
But I’m trying to spend less time measuring my progress against someone else’s timeline.
Because their journey isn’t mine.
And mine isn’t yours.
The only comparison that’s ever been fair is between who I was yesterday and who I am today.
When I look at it that way…
I’ve grown by leaps and bounds.
Am I where I’d like to be?
No.
Not yet.
There are still dreams on my heart.
Still adventures waiting to happen.
Still pieces of myself I’m uncovering.
Still goals that keep me awake with excitement.
But maybe “not yet” isn’t a bad place to be.
Maybe it’s actually a beautiful place.
Because “not yet” means there’s still more life to live.
More laughter waiting.
More lessons to learn.
More courage to find.
More stories to tell.
More memories to make.
More sunsets to watch.
More people to meet.
More of me still waiting to be discovered.
And honestly?
That sounds a whole lot better than believing I’ve already reached the end of my story.
So today, I’m choosing to celebrate both things.
The woman I used to be.
And the woman I’m still becoming.
I’m going to be grateful for how far I’ve come without apologizing for wanting to keep growing.
Because I don’t believe those things cancel each other out.
I think they belong together.
So if you’ve been feeling discouraged because you’re not where you thought you’d be by now…
Can I remind you of something?
Turn around for a minute.
Look at the mountain you’ve already climbed.
Look at the fears you’ve already faced.
Look at the person you’ve fought so hard to become.
Then take a deep breath.
Smile at how far you’ve come.
And when you’re ready…
Turn back toward the summit.
Because you’re not behind.
You’re simply still becoming.
And I have a feeling the best parts of your story are still waiting to be written.
