How Chronic Stress and Survival Mode Impact Women’s Health in Midlife
This isn’t a weight loss story.
It’s a story about what happens when a woman finally feels safe enough to exhale.
If you’re a midlife woman who’s tried everything. Diets, workouts, willpower, and still feels stuck, exhausted, or frustrated with her body, this might not be another thing to fix.
It might be something to finally understand.
For almost 30 years I have tried just about everything to lose weight. Name it and I’ve probably tried it. I’ve taken class after class at the gym. I’ve worked out several days a week. With every baby, another 20+ pounds stuck around. Throw a hysterectomy in there followed by extreme stress, and well… forget about it. What followed was nearly two decades of numerous health issues, doctor visits, and frustration.
That is, until a few years ago.
I have now lost about 60 pounds. The first thirty came at a snail’s pace over a couple of years. Then over the last year, particularly the last nine months, I lost another thirty. Naturally, people began asking how I did it.
And honestly, I did not really know.
I had not done anything differently. Or so I thought.
The more the question came up, the more I started wondering myself. Was I sick? I didn’t feel sick. As a matter of fact, I cannot tell you the last time I felt this good. So what was going on?
A few weeks ago, something finally clicked.
The only thing that had changed was… me.
A little over a year ago is when I truly started focusing on working on myself. The blog became a big part of that. It became my passion project. Something I was doing just for me. And if it helps even one other person, that is a huge bonus.
I had also just joined a business and lifestyle center the previous October. That alone pushed me far outside of my comfort zone, especially when it came to socializing. Then in April of last year, I attended a one day “Unapologetically You” retreat.
Now, if you know me, you know I’m very thrifty. I do not usually spend a lot of money, especially on myself. But something about this retreat kept calling me. (Who was this person standing here in my body, and what happened to the old me?)
I didn’t know Angela, the host of the retreat (who is fabulous, by the way), and I didn’t know what the day would bring. I just knew I needed to be there. And it ended up being, by far, the best investment I have ever made in myself.
I have always known that I tend to hold things in. I would do just about anything to avoid conflict or uncomfortable situations. But there, at that retreat, for the first time ever, I realized just how much I had been carrying.
I was given permission to release everything that no longer served me. More importantly, I was given permission to release everything that was never mine to carry in the first place.
And I felt it.
Physically.
It was as if a ton of weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I never saw that coming. At the time, I knew I had gotten something out of the day. But as time has gone on, I have realized it went much deeper than I initially understood.
letting go
Here is the part no one ever explained to me.
My body was not broken.
It was protecting me.
For decades, my nervous system had been stuck in survival mode. When we live under constant stress, emotional stress, hormonal stress, mental overload, caretaking, people pleasing, pushing feelings down, the body does not recognize that we’re “fine.” It only knows one thing. Stay alive.
When the nervous system stays in fight-or-flight (or freeze) mode for too long, the body prioritizes safety over everything else. Digestion slows. Hormones fall out of balance. Sleep suffers. Inflammation increases. Weight loss becomes incredibly difficult. Not because of a lack of discipline or effort, but because the body does not feel safe enough to let go.
And women are especially vulnerable to this.
We carry the mental load. We nurture. We absorb. We keep the peace. We put ourselves last. Over time, our bodies learn to stay on high alert. That constant hold-it-together, don’t-rock-the-boat energy keeps the nervous system braced.
So even when we’re doing all the “right” things, eating better, exercising more, trying harder, our bodies may still be holding on.
What I’ve come to realize is that healing does not always start with doing more.
Sometimes, it starts with finally allowing ourselves to feel safe.
That retreat wasn’t just emotional for me. It was physiological. My nervous system experienced something it hadn’t in years. Release. Permission. Safety. It finally got the message that it did not have to protect me anymore.
And when that happened, things began to shift. Quietly. Naturally.
I felt calmer. Less anxious. More open. I slept better. And slowly, my body began letting go of what it had been holding onto for decades.
Not because I punished it.
But because I listened to it.
So where am I going with all of this?
I know many of us are still riding that new year, fresh start energy. The gyms are packed. The latest weight loss programs, techniques, equipment, and apparel are everywhere. Let me be clear, I am not saying stop what you are doing. And I am definitely not saying this is some magic cure for weight loss.
What I am saying is this:
If you’ve tried every diet, every workout, every trend known to mankind and nothing has worked, you might want to consider looking somewhere different. Body-based practices like yoga, breathwork, meditation, or other somatic therapies focus on the mind-body connection. The benefits, both direct and indirect, are truly limitless.
What could it hurt?
If your budget or schedule does not allow for in-person sessions, there are so many resources available online. Personally, I need accountability, especially in the beginning, so in-person is always best for me. But the right option is the one that works for you.
My Closing Reflection
Maybe thriving isn’t about pushing harder or fixing what we think is wrong with us.
Maybe it’s about creating enough safety in our bodies to finally exhale.
For the first time in a very long time, I am not just surviving. I am listening. I am honoring my body instead of fighting it. And in doing so, I am finally creating space to thrive.
A Gentle Message to You
If you’re feeling stuck, tired, or frustrated with your body, I hope this reminds you of one thing:
You are not failing.
Your body has been protecting you.
And when you’re ready, when it finally feels safe enough, it just might surprise you with what it’s capable of letting go.
If this resonated with you, I hope you’ll stay here a while.
I’m not an expert, just a woman learning how to listen to her body after years of doing the opposite. If you’re in a similar season, you’re not alone.
Feel free to leave a comment, share your experience, or simply take what you need and come back when you’re ready. This space is for curiosity, honesty, and gentle growth. Nothing more, nothing less.
I’m here for you and with you.💛
And if you know a woman who’s tired of fighting her body, please share this with her. Sometimes the most healing thing we can offer is the reminder that she’s not broken.
