Where Now? Rediscovering Myself at 52

My kids are grown and no longer need me in the ways they once did. Suddenly, I was left with a question I hadn’t had time to consider in over thirty years: Where now? 

Who am I outside of motherhood? What do I enjoy? What is my purpose now that the schedule isn’t dictated by sports practices, school events, and hungry teenagers?

At 52, the world loves to tell women it’s too late for major life changes – too late to change careers, too late to try something new, too late to dream a little bigger. But I could feel something shifting inside me. I wasn’t ready to coast on cruise control until grandchildren arrived.

A Life Built Around Family

For over three decades, I poured myself into my home and my family. Sure, I’ve worked outside the home here and there, but mostly I was a stay-at-home mom – though my husband prefers the title “Residential Coordinator,” which honestly sounds much fancier than the job pays.

When the kids were younger and in constant activities, friendships came easy. You naturally bond with other bleacher-warriors and auditorium-parents when you’re together for hours at a time. But as the kids grew up and their activities changed, those friendships gradually drifted into the background.

Suddenly I wasn’t surrounded by built-in friends. And let’s be honest: meeting friends at Target isn’t very budget-friendly.

I realized I had lost myself somewhere along the way. I needed change… stat.

A Walk That Changed Everything

The Universe Sends a Sign

I knew I needed to get out, meet new people, and expand my tiny little introverted circle – but how? Around this time last year, I kept falling asleep wishing the universe would send me some kind of sign.

Then one random day, I saw a Facebook post about a new business and lifestyle center hosting an open house. It tugged at my soul in a way I couldn’t ignore. As an introvert, this was very unlike me. This place looked creative and inspiring… very much my kind of vibe.

So my husband and I made a date of it. The second I stepped inside, the space practically hugged me and whispered, “Welcome home.”

My head told me it was ridiculous to pay for gas to drive 45 minutes and a monthly membership fee for something I didn’t need. But my soul? She was standing on a chair screaming, “YES YOU DO, NOW GO!”

And here I am a year later – happier for it, surrounded by creative, supportive people who’ve patiently helped peel back the layers of this onion. (And trust me, I have not made it easy.)

Puberty 2.0? Nope. Just Rediscovery.

Rediscovering myself has been messy, emotional, and more rewarding than I ever imagined. I’ve laughed until I cried (and maybe peed a little). I’ve ugly-sobbed with snot and everything. I’ve been so terrified at times that I wasn’t sure if I was going to throw up or… well… sh#t myself.

Honestly, the emotional rollercoaster felt like puberty all over again, except Aunt Flow has been evicted for 17 years. Blessing or curse? Depends on the day – that’s a story for another time.

The Retreat That Changed Me

Earlier this year, I learned about a one-day retreat called Unapologetically You, led by the incredibly talented Angela from the Arcana Collaborative. (Did I mention she bakes amazing sourdough?) I’d never done anything like it, but the pull was strong.

Now… I am thrifty. Very thrifty. I’m a low-maintenance girlie all the way, with the exception of my hair every couple months. Splurging on myself? Practically unheard of. So when I saw the cost, my heart sank. But something inside me whispered, “You have to do this.” And that intuition? Spot. On.

Of course, the morning of the retreat went about as well as you’d expect for me. Road closure. One-way streets. No extra time. Water bottle leaking through my bag, soaking my notebook. I arrived a nervous, frazzled mess with a dripping bag and zero dignity.

But the space Angela created was warm, soft, inviting, and instantly calming. Candles, flowers, cozy couches, blankets, gentle music… it felt like a hug.

And the day? Magic.

The day was full of journaling (which I swore I couldn’t get into), yoga, group activities, Reiki (obsessed!), individual exercises, and a sound bath (also amazing). One of the most powerful moments was a mirror exercise… truly looking at myself, not just glancing while brushing my teeth. It was alarming… and eye-opening.

We did another exercise releasing old beliefs and past baggage that no longer served us. Sounds woo-woo, I know. It was beautiful. Transformative. Nothing short of life-changing. I walked out a different person than the one who stumbled in with a soaked bag.

Since then, I’ve continued journaling. I’ve gone to Angela’s monthly mindfulness evenings whenever I can. And was the retreat worth the money?

Every. Single. Penny.

The Woman I Am Becoming

I knew I grew from that experience, but I didn’t realize just how much until I found myself talking about it later. Would I do it again? Absolutely.

This year I’ve changed. I’m living more authentically. Pushing myself. Growing. Learning to take up space. Following my passions. Owning my purpose.

I’m rediscovering who I am… and for the first time in a long time, I’m excited about where I’m going.

And the best part?

I’m just getting started.

So that’s where I am – rediscovering, rebuilding, and learning to take up space without apologizing for it.

But I’d love to know… where are you on your journey?
What’s calling to your heart these days?